Picky Eaters Part 1

L has been a picky eater from pretty early on. Some of it I contribute to genes, some to me not introducing him to enough foods when he was young, and some to just plain old being a stubborn 3 yo.

I have been a picky eater and I didn't really learn how to eat until I was in my 20s. In fact at 30, I am still learning to try new foods. When I see an unfamiliar food, or a food I think I don't like, my mouth gets all clenched up, my throat starts to close. I literally fear the food. I am learning to control this. Its basically a mind game. 

As a child my eating habits were always the topic of discussion at large family get togethers. My grandmother wondered how I survived on so little food. My brothers teased me. It was never something anyone forgot about. And it got old really fast. 

As I've watched my son pick up some of my habits and tendencies (which by the way, were passed onto me from my father), I've struggled. Knowing what he is going through emotionally - a literal fear of food, left me helpless to provide him with the encouragement he needed to expand his VERY limited pallet. When I say limited, basically he would eat fruit, cheese, bread, peanut butter and snack food. No meat, no veggies. 

We had several failed attempts at getting him to eat. And the older he got the harder he pushed against it. He would cry and scream, beg and plead, say his stomach hurt, ask to go to bed. He just did not want to eat his dinner. For a long time I just made him his own food but I knew that I couldn't do that forever. I didn't want him to grow up like I did in that way. I really did want to teach him how to eat healthy and properly. And when I said properly I mean with manners that showed gratitude for the food put in front of him whether he liked the taste or not.

Finally, we were pushed by loving friends to tackle the food issue. Not only was meal time such a headache in our house, but J was watching L and learning all his techniques and figuring out what he could try to get away with. 

We came to the realization that a big part of the food battle was that L was fighting for control. He (like all of us sinners) desperately wants to control everything around him. We are pretty strict parents and for the most part he is a very good kid. But this was one area that he found he could win. And he did win for almost 3 years. But as he grew more conscious of his ability to win in this area he decided to test it in other areas. He got a little power hungry. 

He began to tell me what to do and when to do it. In little ways though so I really didn't notice. He would tell me what he wanted to eat. That he didn't want those PJs. That he would do what I asked in a little while. They all seemed like innocent things but it kept growing. He became more selfish, less obedient, more bossy, and just not very fun to be around. 

So we beefed up the discipline and then put on our boxing gloves and fought the food battle with him. See my next post for Round 1 :)

Counting Beans

I started a reward system with my older son when he turned 3 - just about a year ago. It was passed onto me from a friend and has helped many of my friends who I have passed it onto. We call it bean jars.

You have two jars (like a mason jar size) - one is full of beans (like kidney beans) the other is empty with evenly spaced numbered lines, our lines are at about 100 beans and numbered from one at the bottom to seven at the top.

Every time he does something good: listen and obeys immediately w/o questions, cleans up toys, sets table, goes potty, gets dressed, puts away shoes and coat, shares nicely with his brother, etc, he gets a bean. He gets to take a bean out of the full jar and put into the numbered jar. When the beans fill up to number 1 (the first line) he gets a "special treat", this is a trip to the dollar store where he gets to "chose a prize"($5 or less, candy or toy). Same for number 2-6. When he gets to 7 he gets a "super dooper special treat", this was a trip to an indoor water park (which we planned the timing of our vacation around).

The great thing about beans is you can reward lots of little things and you can chose when he gets them. Sometimes he'll get one for sharing with his brother, other times he won't because he needs to do that regardless of getting beans. It seems to be motivating him. If you have a picky eater you can do a bean a bite for new foods or foods they don't like.

It took about a month to get to a line. 7 mos to fill the jar. As his brother got older and could understand and saw big bro doing it he wanted in. So now they both fill the one set of jars. As they grow the items they are being rewarded for can change. L doesnt get rewards for going potty anymore but he gets them for finishing his dinner or reading a book to his brother. J gets them for cleaning up or immediately listening and obeying. For us it has been a really great motivator. Hopefully more people will find it a reward system that can work for them.

Update for 6 & 4 years old (2013): 

We are doing beans again and they get beans for doing chores, listening and obeying immediately, doing schoolwork with a good attitude, excelling in school work, displaying the fruit of the spirit, etc. We have also added in the removing of beans as a discipline for the "small stuff": talking with your mouth full, arguing or complaining, temper tantrums, bad attitudes, badgering, selfishness, covetousness, etc. I DO NOT advise removing beans for discipline until you have filled the jar at least once. They need to really taste the beauty of the rewards before you can add in negative consequences. The removal of beans is working well for us now that they are older and fully understand. We are considering giving them each their own jar to encourage a little healthy brotherly competition.  They jury is still out as to how well that would work for our kids though.  We'll see :)

Poopies on the potty!

J is 21 mos old. He has been in cloth diapers since about 6 mos old. Today he did his first poopies on the potty and I was so thrilled! Now, understand, I am NOT potty training (PTing) him. Actually, he has been the one to initiate this potty thing. He is very interested in the Thomas potty seat that I randomly got out one day. So I would sit him on it occasionally. Lately he has been saying potty and taking me there and asking to sit on it. He likes to just sit and point at thomas and say "choo choo". So we do that. In the past week he has been saying "potty" right after he poops. So I figured well he's getting the idea, although a little backwards, its a start. Then today he said potty after lunch so I took his diaper off expecting to wipe but no poop! So I set him on the pot and we talked about Thomas and pee pees and poopies and lo and behold I hear it! He pooped! I praised and praised and called his brother into praise him. Then gave him 2 M&Ms!

Still...I am NOT potty training. He is waaaaay too young. At least for the PTing I did with L. No timers or telling him to go all the time. If he asks thats fine (although I'm not taking his diaper off every 15 mins even if he asks). I'm just excited that there is a light at the end of the tunnel of diaper changing. And maybe, hopefully, prayerfully, sooner rather than later, thanks to cloth diapering (CDing).

I love CDing and in some ways I will be sad that part of my life is over. But my love for cloth does not out weigh my love for no more diapers! 

Very proud of my little man. Growing up so fast :)

Potato Leek Soup

Just made this tonight and it was delicious! DH had put in a request for it and I'm not the greatest cook. Well, I'm not bad I just dont like to cook. I kinda combined a few different recipes I found online to make this and added a few of my own ideas. Hope you like it!


Ingredients1 stick butter & a few swirls olive oil2 leeks, finely choppedsalt and pepper to taste1 quart chicken broth & a little white wine1 tablespoon cornstarch1 teaspoon thyme, dash chili powder4 cups potatoes, peeled and diced2 cups whole milk

1 bay leaf

reduced fat shredded white cheddar

Directions
1. In a large pot over medium heat, melt butter and add olive oil. Cook leeks
in butter with salt and pepper until tender, stirring frequently, about 10 minutes. Then add thyme and chili powder and cook another minute or so.
2. Stir cornstarch into broth and wine and pour broth into pot. Add the potatoes and bay leaf. Pour in the milk and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer at least 30 minutes, until potatoes are tender. Mash potatoes. Add shredded reduced fat cheddar cheese to top of each bowl of soup along with a little salt and pepper.

On Parenting

Parenting is the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. I sit here totally stressed over my child - worrying, fretting, completely clueless at how to handle him. I have gone everywhere, books, websites, forums, friends, and still have absolutely no answer. The one place I need to turn is God. He has all the answers.

I know that this is another lesson. He is drawing me closer to Him. He wants me to seek Him. So that is what I will do. I will let the things of this world (people's opinions, the latest trend, the newest gadget) fade away. I will listen to the Perfect Parent who will lead me in my hearts desire to do what's best for my children. 

Its so easy to forget that God's is the one opinion that matters most. Its easy to question ourselves and lose all confidence and security in our abilities in a matter of minutes. When those moments strike I am finding I have to stop, shut up, and hide away from it all. Not to avoid or escape, but to quiet the noise so I can hear the voice that will give me His truth. So that is what I am resolving to do. Today right now I am seeking God and believing that he will answer my cry for help. After all, He gave me these children, so He must have faith in me that I can raise them, with His help of course. I just have to remember to accept it.

So you just found out you're pregnant...

Here is a little unwanted advice for all you mamas basking in the joy of finally seeing that second line...

Enjoy every minute of not being big and not wearing maternity clothes. Sure you want everyone to see your bump, but once "everyone" can, you won’t care anymore and will just want it out (the baby that is).

Know this and write it down somewhere...you will forget how miserable you were in the last month. You will think you want to do it again. When you do it again, you will think, "this will be easy I’m experienced". But no, you will be even more miserable then the first time.

Don't bother buying alot of maternity clothes for when you are "really big". You only need like one pair of pants and two shirts. You will wear those on the rare occasions you leave the house. Invest in comfy PJ's for all other wardrobe needs.

Sleep, sleep, sleep…as much and as often as possible. Not only because you won’t be able to soon (like in the last trimester and the following 6-18 mos) but also because it helps ward off the irrational, easily irritated, moody, emotional, pregnancy induced insanity. No, but really...sleep helps.

Let people help you, with everything. If this is your second pregnancy make sure big brother or sister is good at following directions like: please get mommy's water from the table, please throw this in the garbage, please bring mommy a pillow, please pick up that sock because mommy can’t bend over...you get the idea.

Keep chocolate handy...enough said.

The bathroom will soon be your favorite room in the house...from hugging the toilet to peeing every five minutes, you will have lots of time in there to notice how dirty it is, but no energy to do anything about it.

Don’t weigh yourself...it’s depressing.

Don’t expect to be able to shave in the last trimester.

Enjoy eating what you want, when you want and do use the excuse that you’re eating for two. This is the only time in your life you can get away with it.

Enjoy sex while you can...soon you will want no one touching you...at least not there.

If you are one of those women who tries to hide the fact that you have gas, you will no longer be fooling anyone.

Don’t be depressed about menial tasks requiring such effort – bask in all the major accomplishments like getting up the stairs to your bedroom. And don’t be surprised when you forget why you went up there in the first place and you just lay down on your bed cause you are out of breath.

Yes, you did just pee your pants when you sneezed – wear a pantyliner.

It’s not a cold, it’s just a stuffy nose and you will have it for nine months. If and when you do get a cold you will have it for three to four weeks. Best bet - don't get a cold.

If this is your first pregnancy, enjoy your boobs, they will never be the same again.

Finally remember its only 9 months out of a likely 70 or 80 years of your life. The most incredible and amazing thing I have experienced in my life to date is seeing my newborn son for the first time and realizing that little human being was just inside of me minutes ago. We women have a privilege, and although it comes with some difficulties, you can do this and it is so worth it. ;)