Please understand I am not saying take a bite of liverwurst or brussel sprouts. We are talking about foods like hamburgers, carrots, pasta. Basic stuff that kids usually eat. He likes to hold food in his mouth for a looooong time. The first meal was homemade macaroni and cheese. It took him about 2 hours to eat 8 pieces of mac and some lettuce. We left him at the table and played Wii and told him he could play when he finished. He did finish and then played Wii. So the next night we tried the same thing. This time it was 2 or 3 bites each of steak, potatoes and carrots (or some similar veggie). He spent about an hour at dinner and didn't finish before bedtime. Then he got up at 7 and was given his dinner to finish for breakfast. He finished it at 11!
I started to get really impatient and that is when we started disciplining. We would tell him to swallow and he wouldn't listen and obey so we spanked him. It was so frustrating. But he had gotten away with not eating for so long that he put up quite a fight. There were times when we literally had to hold him down to get him to swallow the food. And again we are talking about things like child size bites of chicken. It was soon clear to see that it wasn't just about the food. L did not want to submit to our authority. He was testing in alot of other ways too. The very same week he had the biggest meltdown I've ever seen from him. Kicking and screaming, grabbing my arm and pulling on me because he had to go to his room for not obeying. He really wanted to have something to control and he thought food was going to be it.
It was a very difficult few weeks between the discipline and the long meals. One thing I did was after he had been chewing on one bite for like 5 mins or longer I would count to 10 and if he didn't swallow he would have to go to the couch to lay down or have a spank. This was a good motivator because it gave him a limit and a consequence.
I pretty much fixed him foods he liked for breakfast and lunch, if he finished his dinner. If not, he got his dinner for breakfast until he finished. I never gave him huge portions and told him he had to eat it all. It was usually 2 or 3 bites of something and 1 bite of things that were very new or different. I also limited juice and milk. I switched him to a regular cup and he got 8 oz of juice or milk, then 8 oz of water, then 8 ounces of juice or milk. He doesnt like water that much so it took him a while to get through the water to get his next cup of something he liked. This kept him from filling up on liquids. Also very limited snacks. If your kids are like mine they are hungry every two hours. So if we had a snack it was a set time, at the table and always healthy.
I have found that what they say about children and new foods is true. It can take them 10 times to like something. Its very much a process that requires baby steps. Luke now gobbles up lettuce. The other day I was cutting a carrot for salad and he asked for it and took 3 bites of it. He didn't want more after that but just the fact that he asked and ate it with no prompting tells me we are really getting somewhere.
One thing that is really important and that I should probably put at the top is to praise. When they do try something new it has to be a HUGE deal. High fives, rewards, telling them how proud you are. Another thing is to make it fun. We count our chews and make the food disappear. Trying to keep a smile and a positive attitude no matter how frustrated you are with them. I think this really has to be combined with the discipline to ensure the child doesn't have a fear of dinner for the rest of his life ;)
The discipline may not be for everyone, but it worked for us. And I think it worked because L was trying to assert control over anything he could and this was an area we needed to show him we were still in charge. That we knew what was best for him and we were going to teach him how to eat whether he liked it or not.
I spent a lot of time in prayer agonizing over what we were doing. It felt awful watching him cry and beg and plead to not eat something. He would have raging fits or just cry like we were torturing him. I would lay awake at night practically crying myself wondering if we were doing the right thing. I mean, the results were NOT instantaneous.
It took about a week of very serious discipline with mealtime. After that, once he knew he had to swallow, once we confirmed our authority, we backed off a little with the consequences. It didn't change what he had to eat and its not that we didn't discipline him anymore for difficulties eating, it just got a little easier. When I would tell him he had to take a bite of something, he would put up a little fight but I would just have to look at him and he would say "ok I will eat it".
And once he starting getting used to the foods, they were less scary. Every time he "survived" a green bean, it got a little easier to eat the next one. Now its been a month or so, and I can very easily tell which foods really do bother him and which ones he likes but just wont admit. So I can always figure out what to give him more of. And I wont force him to eat more that one bite of something I can tell he truly dislikes. I still often have to put the food on his fork for him or even feed him. But this is getting better too.
Some people may think how we did this was too harsh. If you've ever done any research on picky eaters, everyone says "don't fight the food battle", "you can't force a child to eat", "you shouldn't spank for not eating". But if you think about it, there are many things we force children to do. Lots of children don't like to go to school, they don't like to read, or tie their shoes themselves. They don't want to wait to cross the road and they don't want to eat their veggies. If they had it their way they would be eating candy and drinking soda in front of the TV all day. I'm constantly telling L, "you don't have to like it", "you can't always have what you want". And when he says he doesnt want it, I remind him, "did Jonah WANT to go to Ninevah?" We as parents are placed as an authority over them to teach them what we have learned about life. To help them to be healthy and safe, not always happy.
No comments:
Post a Comment